I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
