My friends, they love my intelligence
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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