Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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