I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
