Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
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At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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