You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
