HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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