if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
