College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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