and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
