So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
