let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
