We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
