the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
