Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
