Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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