Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
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I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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