My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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