Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
