Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
