Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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