Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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