I just saw a hot homeless man
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize