Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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