Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
