So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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