It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He? As in you personified your dick?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
