so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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