Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
