The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
