He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
dude. I can hear the air.
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