I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
