Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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