Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
