Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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