Your mouth is God's brothel.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
