before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
