you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
