allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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