I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
