this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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