I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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