I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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