why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
