Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
