What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
