Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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