Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
