Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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