she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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