Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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