Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
