You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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