if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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