Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
even my farts smell like vagina
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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