good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
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I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
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I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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