id be glad to
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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