I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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