i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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