She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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