I need help removing her.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
