Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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