if i can run in heels then i can drive
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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