I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
