two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
