Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He felt like a one man threesome
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
