Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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