I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
