official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
