i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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