Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
