I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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