So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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