Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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