god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
FUCK WHALES
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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