I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
