we have pet lesbian snakes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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