Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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