u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
