You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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